Five Things Learned During My First Week of Work – Fri. 08.28.09

(Note: I began Monday working as a receptionist in a law firm. Those who know me personally would never have guessed. I love it thus far, also surprising to those who know me well. The following “life lessons” are in no particular order.)



1. I can speak to strangers on the phone with ease. Back in my formative years, I would feel tremendous anxiety over ordering from Domino’s, but have now established an over-the-phone rapport with everyone from Joe, TGI copy machine man, to very successful attorneys from equally-as-successful law firms. (Note: Joe has not taken us ignoring his emails and sidestepping his phone calls as a sign that we do not require his services. I’ll make him aware. Just give me time.)






2. “Bagel Fridays” are not the enemy. I can walk back and forth past that heaping stack of bagels all day long, have lunch right next to them, breathe in their collective aroma like spray paint in a bag, and be perfectly content with my Weight Watchers yogurt and cucumber slices. This may change…updates to follow.






3. ESPN.com is the greatest website around, second only to youporn.com. The musings of DJ Gallo, Rick Reilly, and my true soul mate – Bill Simmons – are enough stimuli to pass even the slowest of hours. I truly believe that all three of these brilliant men will see this piece of writing as nothing short of a tribute. I also truly believe that all three of these brilliant men will never, ever see this piece of writing.






4. Signing electronically for FedEx/UPS/United Lawyers Service packages is wicked awesome. Nothing more to say here, except that USPS needs to get with the program. If I get even ONE paper cut from signing a non-electronic receipt, I will sue faster than the McDonald’s coffee lady.






5. In summation, a bit of sentimentality. When life gives you lemons, check to see how many points they are on Weight Watchers. But in all seriousness, I never thought I would be where I am at this stage in my life. After sizing up the economy and the trials and tribulations of my friends however, I am certainly grateful to be anywhere at all. I have little idea as to what the future holds, but I can honestly say that I am ready for whatever may come my way. I owe much of this optimism to all of you.






- Elyssa






(Last note for now: This is going to be a weekly thing provided I have the time and the material. Soak it in. Generate buzz. Make me rich so I can quit my job, build a mansion in my hometown, and pull lying shit out of my ass to write about in The New Yorker or Rolling Stone. Too much cursing in that last sentence? Thoughts?)